


Luke Joins The Dark Side

by JustBeStill



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Legends - All Media Types, Star Wars Original Trilogy
Genre: Alternate Universe - Star Wars Setting, Attempt at Humor, Funny, Hilarity Ensues, Humor
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-12-08
Updated: 2020-12-08
Packaged: 2021-03-10 04:47:26
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,011
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27958622
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/JustBeStill/pseuds/JustBeStill
Summary: Luke meets Palpatine, but he wasn't what Luke expected.
Relationships: Luke Skywalker & Darth Vader
Comments: 4
Kudos: 17





	Luke Joins The Dark Side

**Author's Note:**

  * For [ohgodmyeyes](https://archiveofourown.org/users/ohgodmyeyes/gifts).



“Luke, I am not your father!” Vader said after he cut off Luke’s hand. 

Luke sighed. “Oh thank the Force, that's a relief!"

“I’m just kidding, I'm totally your father!” Vader said after a pause.

"NOOOO!!!"

Later while Luke was sulking on his new room on the Death Star ll, Vader burst in holding a cake. “Son, I had the chef make you a cake!"

Luke examined it. SORRY I LIED EARLIER was written in white frosting across the top.

"Looks good, I guess," the human said, flopping back onto his bed. "I'll eat some later."

The Emperor burst into the room. “Lord Vader, I told you to go hunt down the Rebels hours ago! Why haven’t you-“ he saw Luke sitting on the bed. “Who is this kid? He looks like a dork.”

Luke gave him an offended expression, and Vader pulled Palpatine aside. “Master, that’s my son, Luke.”

“Luke?” Palpatine said. “Skywalker? Oh, dang, I didn’t realize. Why is he here?”

“He agreed to join us, Master.” Vader said. “I was going to start his training tomorrow.”

They talked for a few more minutes, and then Palpatine went back into Luke’s room.

“Hey, sorry about calling you a dork, boy,” Palpatine said kindly, “I’m sure you’re… super wizard, or whatever the kids say these days.”

"Yeah, whatever," Luke sulked, turning towards the wall. "I just want to go hang out with Han and Leia again."

"Son, I've told you already, those Rebels are a bad influence, and I won't have you interacting with them under any circumstances." Vader paused. "Well, unless you're torturing them for information, or slaughtering them in battle. But other than that, I forbid you from seeing them!"

Luke sighed. "Whatever." He looked at Palpatine. "Who is this old hag, your grandfather?"

Palpatine's mouth dropped open in shock. "HOW DARE YOU! VADER, DESTROY HIM!"

"Uhhh…" Vader hesitated. "I kind of can't. He's on our side now, remember?"

"Oh, right, I forgot about that." Palpatine sighed. "Fine, then I'm going to go take a shower. I feel gross after being around people all day."

"TRY NOT TO HAVE TOO MUCH FUN IN THERE!" Luke shouted as the Emperor left the room.

"WHEN I GET BACK YOU ARE GOING TO BE IN SO MUCH TROUBLE, BOY!" Palpatine shouted back as he went into the bathroom and closed the door.

A few minutes later, Palpatine came back out. "I forgot something," he said as he went into the next room and brought back a stereo. He put it in the bathroom and then went back for more stuff.

"Having a party in there or something?" Luke muttered while smirking.

"Be quiet, boy. I'm the Emperor and I can do whatever the hell I want." Palpatine snapped at him rudely.

"When I said 'try not to have fun' I was being sarcastic." Luke explained.

Palpatine ignored him and went back into the bathroom and closed the door again. A few minutes later the water turned on and music started to play loudly from the stereo, vibrating the whole room.

"I'M THE BEST EMPEROR IN THE GALAXYYYYY!" Palpatine sang, sounding like a dying cat. "NO ONE ELSE IS BETTER THAN MEEEE!!"

Then smoke and lights started flashing around the bathroom, and Vader and Luke stared at the door as the smoke started to creep out from under the door.

"Did he put a smoke machine and strobe lights in there, too?" Luke asked, very confused. "Your Master is super weird."

"You should have seen him last Tuesday," Vader said. "He was throwing tacos at the Stormtroopers in the cafeteria because they were all out of his favorite hot sauce. It was super embarrassing."

Luke started laughing as that mental image entered his mind. "Hilarious!"

"Not for the Stormtroopers," Vader muttered. "Most of them are dead now, and the ones that aren't requested to be stationed on Endor to get away from him."

Then he heard a crash from the bathroom. 

"OW!" Palpatine shouted. "Vader, get in here! I tried to Moonwalk like Michael Jackson and slipped in the shower!"

"Master, I probably shouldn't, I don't want to see-" Vader started

"HE DOESN'T WANT TO SEE YOUR 90-YEAR OLD WRINKLY ASS!" Luke shouted, interrupting his father.

"YOU'RE ON THIN ICE, BOY!" Palpatine yelled back. "NEVERMIND, VADER, I'M FINE! DON'T COME IN HERE!"

"Oh, thank the Force," Vader said. "I was worried for a minute."

Luke laughed. "Hey, I'm actually kind of having a fun time up here!" He realized suddenly. "You want to play some pranks on your grandfather later?"

"He's not my… nevermind." Vader sighed. "And he's only 86, just an FYI for the future."

"86, 90, same thing!" Luke said dismissively. "Point is he's super old."

Then they heard a loud beeping noise from inside the bathroom. 

"Oh no, please don't be talking on the phone," Vader said in an exasperated tone. "Please don't be ordering anything."

"Yes, hello, this is Emperor Palpatine, and I would like to order two extra large pizzas," Palpatine said from in the shower. "Also, do you have hookers there, as well? What do you mean 'No?' WELL MAYBE YOU SHOULD!"

There was a bang, and then silence. 

"I think he just threw the phone against the wall," Luke said. 

"He probably did," Vader muttered. "I just got that for him, too. It was his birthday last week."

"VADER, YOU HAVE A NEW ASSIGNMENT!" Palpatine yelled. "I WANT YOU TO GO TO THE PIZZA PLACE DOWN THE STREET AND KILL THE OWNERS!"

Then Palpatine went back to his music. The Imperial March started playing. "Oh, I love this song! I AM THE BEST IN THE GALAXY! NO ONE ELSE IS BETTER THAN MEEEE! VADER, I KNOW YOU'RE STILL THERE! GO KILL THOSE PEOPLE RIGHT NOW!"

Vader sighed. "I'll be right back, gotta go slaughter some innocents for a bit. Shouldn't take longer than a half hour at most, then we can hang out some more and get to know each other when I get back."

"Okay, have fun!" Luke said as Vader left the room.


End file.
